Brach’s Late Night Taco Truck Jelly Beans

It’s the second part of a Brach’s doubleheader to close the 2022 regular season, and it’s a wild one! (If you missed yesterday’s review of Brach’s Rainbow Sparkle Jelly Bird Eggs, I recommend you go back and catch up on the context around Brach’s jelly beans and bird eggs.)

Of the new jelly bean releases in 2022 (that I am aware of), none have caused as much of a stir as this unconventional offering. This is easily the most “novelty” collection I have reviewed since the beginning of the site – a “gimmick” set, as Penny would say – and I am certainly trepidatious about the flavors here that are not based in real world foods that are sweet. But as always, let’s look at the physical characteristics and come back to that.

Size and shape

These would seem to be made in the mold of Brach’s other products described as “jelly beans” (rather than “bird eggs”). They are slightly smaller on average than yesterday’s Rainbow Sparkle Bird Eggs, and have good consistency in their size. The shape, which does vary more widely, is more bean-shaped than egg-shaped. Most of them show evidence of a meager attempt at dimpling.

While not technically part of the rating, I have to comment on the inconsistency of the coloring of the shells. For the most part, it isn’t a huge issue to tell the flavors apart, but you can see in the photo above that there is an array of green beans whose coloring falls somewhere between what are clearly the Margarita and the Guacamole beans. These further divide into a couple of subgroups that are close to each other, which do, in the end go with the larger group they are closest to, but they could definitely be mixed up if you were trying to pick a specific one out of a mixed bowl.

3 out of 5 beans

Chewability

Like yesterday’s, these beans rate well in this category, but they trade a little bit of resistance in the shell for better resistance on the inside.

4 out of 5 beans

Texture

The texture of these beans is also outstanding. The shell could break up a little chunkier, but the smoothness of the insides is a definite improvement from yesterday’s bird eggs.

4 out of 5 beans

Taste and flavor

Alrighty, here we are. An assortment of the strangest flavors I’ve yet to encounter. (No, I’ve never tried the Jelly Belly BeanBoozled beans, or their Harry Potter branded variant, Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans.)

The six flavors can naturally be divided into two groups:

1. The flavors whose basis is a naturally sweet food or beverage
2. The flavors whose basis is a savory food

First let’s tackle the “normal” flavors.

• Starting off with the Margarita bean, it’s already pretty weird. The lime is there, but subtle. They’ve clearly tried to impart some salinity to remind one of the salted rim of a common American margarita. And I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for, but there is not an obvious tequila flavor there. A disappointing start.
• Popping a couple of Churro beans, now we’re talking! Churros are not a thing I can honestly remember ever having eaten, but I can definitely observe some of the flavor elements that I would expect from simply knowing what a churro is (cinnamon sugar dough deliciousness). This flavor is right in the wheelhouse for the second most common jelly bean flavor theme, desserts.
• Similarly, I’m not sure I’ve ever had horchata, but this tastes pretty similar to what I’d expect – the rice element, the milk element, etc. Another delightful flavor.

The weirdest thing about the savory flavors is that they are all still really sweet! Maybe I should have expected that, since they are still jelly beans, but I was somehow hoping for straight up savoryness. And none of them are especially pleasant.

• Beef Taco is a total flop. I don’t taste a single undertone, overtone, or right-in-the-middle tone that resembles anything in a beef taco.
• Salsa gets a little closer to its namesake. I can detect a subtle tomato component, and there is a hint of peppery heat. It could probably double for a Bloody Mary bean.
• Finally, Guacamole is the one of this group that actually comes close. Could that be somewhat because avocado doesn’t taste like anything? Maybe ;) There’s a very clear cilantro note here, though. The sweetness presents as lime, which does work to a degree. I actually wish it had some of the salinity that the margarita bean has.

This was a super intriguing set from an otherwise pretty traditional maker, but unfortunately, it really didn’t hit the mark.

4 out of 10 beans

The one-of-each test

Perhaps the ultimate test of a bag of jelly beans is how enjoyable it is to take one of each flavor and eat them all at the same time.¹

This is a really tough bunch of beans for this particular test. Clearly, it would be folly to try to eat them all at once, and despite the footnote linked above, I wouldn’t feel right excusing a full half of the beans in this set.

There are a couple of good two-bean pairings, though! Churro and Horchata work very well together, as do Salsa and Guacamole. All six would be quite the train wreck, though, and the score reflects that.

2 out of 10 beans

Conclusion

I have to give credit to Brach’s for taking a big risk with this set. And I have to suspect that it was a commercial success, just due to its novelty factor. Unfortunately, the proof was not in the pudding, and it’s not a set I can recommend to the general public. It’s fun for a few eyebrow-raising minutes, but if even I can’t imagine getting through a whole bag, it’ll likely be a waste of money for most people.

Thus concludes this season of A Boy and His Beans. Thank you all for reading, and see you next year!