Teenee Beanee: Country Retreats

Today we revisit the world of Teenee Beanee’s “Delicious Destinations” to go on a “country retreat”. These flavors are meant to evoke the classic fruit desserts of America, and they do a pretty good job of that.

Last time I reviewed a Teenee Beanee set (Island Breeze), I re-reviewed the “standard” categories without looking to see how consistent I would be with my first Teenee Beanee review before that (Americana Medley), and it turned out that I reviewed them pretty differently.

I’ll do the same thing again and see what turns out different this time!

Size and shape

The most noticeable thing when you dump a couple dozen out of the package is that the size and shape of these beans is extremely inconsistent. Some are smaller than Jelly Belly, while some are on the large side of medium. Some are very nicely rounded, but some have multiple flat spots and angles. There is even a disturbingly high number of them that are stuck together in pairs (always the same flavor, and always—if memory serves—either the Blueberry Cobbler or Apple Dumpling à la Mode flavors).

I will give them points for having an average size that is right where I want it to be and for clearly making the attempt to have a good dimpled shape, but the inconsistency is a problem.

3 out of 5 beans

Chewability

These beans chew very well. Goldilocks would approve of their not too soft, not too hard chewability. The shell could offer just a little bit more resistance, but I don’t think it’s enough to dock a bean from this category.

5 out of 5 beans

Texture

Texture is another strong area for Teenee Beanee, particularly the insides. The shell breaks up a bit too finely and gets a little mealy, but it’s not enough to significantly diminish the experience.

4 out of 5 beans

Taste and flavor

The flavors of this particular “Delicious Destination” are, I’m sorry to report, my least favorite of what Teenee Beanee offers. While they do a good job of emulating some aspects of the taste of the down-home desserts they claim to represent, the flavors just simply aren’t that good.

Strawberry Cheesecake and Banana Cream Pie are the standouts, both tasting very much like those two desserts. Peaches & Cream suffers from that artificial peach flavor that I really dislike. I cannot understand why no one seems to be able to develop a peach flavor that has the acidity of a good ripe peach. Blueberry Cobbler is inoffensive, but tastes to me more like bubble gum than blueberry. Finally, Apple Dumpling à la Mode is dreadfully overpowered by the sort of artificial cinnamon flavor that you would get in disgusting cinnamon-flavored candy like Red Hots or Big Red gum. You can barely taste any apple.

I was very happy with the more classic flavors of Teenee Beanee’s Americana Medley, but their more exotic offerings have left me very disappointed.

3 out of 10 beans

The one-of-each test

Perhaps the ultimate test of a bag of jelly beans is how enjoyable it is to take one of each flavor and eat them all at the same time.¹

As was the case last week and has often been the case with varieties that focus on more subtle flavors, it’s hard for the individual flavors to stand out in the one-of-each test.

The beans chew very well, at least, having only five flavors at a good size, but the flavor does coalesce into a boring monoflavor that reminds me of generic white cake with vanilla frosting.

5 out of 10 beans

Conclusion

And so we wrap up our tour of Teenee Beanee’s Delicious Destinations. (There is one more destination, a Luxor Licorice package, but a package with only one flavor would not make for an interesting review.) I appreciate the effort they’ve gone to in devising this marketing conceit, and they are a very high quality bean in the technical categories, but I can’t see myself buying another package of anything but the Americana Medley in the future.